Biker Gear.

You know, I love my ride to work.   It’s 20 miles down a canyon paralleling the river that cut it, pine trees and a lot of waterfalls.   I get a great chance to gear up for work, and gear down on my way home.   Couldn’t ask for a better ride to start and end my day.    Good thinking time.    Lately, I been thinking mostly about the software update the company is doing, and the problems I gotta solve.    But in the background, I been thinking about biking gear.

I don’t go to harley message boards.   I swear to god, every third thread is about if they should wave to other bikers or not, or if fingerless gloves and assless chaps are ok to be seen in.   When I ride, yep… my wallet is attached to me with a chain.   I take my chaps off  when its no longer cold.    I got something to say about the subject.   I’ve ridden all over the place, and like most riders you figure out a gear system.   Here’s mine.    I’m not gonna be humble here.   Its good, and its mostly from epic failures.

The gear DO’s:

  1. the most important gear is a good jacket.   I like the old school 50’s ones, mostly because I bought one a few years ago off a clearance rack that is thick.  the pockets are worn through but its warm, and got those side cinch leather laces on the sides for back support.    It dips down in the back below the belt to keep wind out of my ass crack.    zip out liner.   Man, she’s like an old friend.    I should probably replace it, but the fucker works good and  I see no need.    Its also a pillow or a blanket at night, or something warm for your girl if she decides to go with you today.    There are no rules on a jacket.   Just get a warm one you like.
  2. Gloves.   Get a bunch.  I have 3 pairs I mix in and out, depending on the season.   Fingerless gloves are the shit.   They keep the sun off your hands and you can pick your nose, adjust your ipod and deal with copenhagen properly and  itch your nuts at 80 mph.     IMO, the coolest are the yellow buckskin ones you can buy at any truck stop.    Dennis Hopper is never wrong.     Then I got me a pair of thick winter gauntlets for when its freezing outside.   I hate em, but they’re good when its cold.    The cheaper the better.   Harley ones fall apart the fastest.
  3. Boots.   Man, a guy who rides a motorcycle in flip flops should be drawn and quartered by his own kin.    I buy em on ebay, and get a pair a year.   Buy em a size bigger so you can wear winter socks, and i’ve even stuck those heat packs in mine and been glad.    Plus,  a good pair of heavy leather boots keep the wind  from blowing your feet around so you can relax more when you ride.   The rubber soled ones keep you from slipping at an oily intersection.    A good pair of boots is a religious experience to me anymore.
  4. Chaps.   My chaps are disgusting.   Man, I love em.   I hit a swarm of grasshoppers once on on the road that covered em yellow.    I don’t wash em, they seams have ripped and I keep sewing them back together.    Also, you know what?   Chaps are for when its cold.   If you wear them to social events, then you just got yourself a village people award, and you’re either queer as a football bat, or just a moron.   They’re not a fashion statement.      If I had the money, I’d buy me a good pair of leather pants.    I’m 45, but still sexually active with the wife and honestly, I can’t afford to have my balls freeze.
  5. This one is controversial:   a wallet with a chain on it.    For years, I’ve taken shit for having a wallet with a chain on it.   I bought mine for 20 bucks at a pittsburgh penguins game in the burgh, and now and again it needs some surgery, but it has a purpose.    My brother skeezix quit laughing at me when he lost his wallet on a ride.    Plus, they don’t fold up your money and you have to sit on it for 400 miles, all lop sided.      If you get a 3 foot chain, then you watch too much sons of anarchy or are the biker enthusiast version of a metro sexual.     This ain’t zoot suit riot, and you want your wallet to fall out to your side with enough chain to pay for your nacho’s at the choke and puke, but not too long it falls out, hits your spokes and gets chopped up and you’re slightly more retarded who has a folded wallet and rides.    I take that back, you’re way more retarded.     I won’t apologize for having a chain on my wallet.    It was invented clearly by a guy who rides a lot.
  6. A vest.   Man, I fought em for years, but I do love my vest.   Mostly because I got deep pockets in mine to put stuff in.   My wallet.  My phone.   My 9mm.   Whatever I want.    I kinda splurged in mine and I like my vest.   Chain extenders look kinda gay too, but they’re nice when you need the pockets and want the wind to flow.   A good vest is a good thing.
  7. A beanie.     I got no hair by choice, so this is my hair when its cold.     The harley ones, again are shitty.  They always fly off my head.   Get yourself  a good wool knit one.   I had a friend from Canada give me one and those fuckers know what its like to be cold.  It stays put, and is warm.   I suppose a helmet does the same thing, but I only wear those in states where its required.     That’s all I’ll wear.   I don’t really like bandana’s
  8. A neck muffler.   Mines fleece, and I only wear it if its 20-30 degrees and I gotta make some mines.   What a lifesaver.   Its nice to be warm.    The skull bandana one?  ehhh,  I dunno.   If you’re in a gang, I have a hard time believing it.    Maybe you are.    I just won’t wear one.
  9. Sunscreen.   Lots of it, wash your hands right after.    I end up going blind in one eye after I put a finger to an eye if I don’t.

This list is making me think of all kinds of other crap i put in my saddle bags for a trip.    Maybe thats the ride thought for tomorrow.

 

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