I wasn’t born to follow.

I need to get out why, after 3 years I turned in my B.A.C.A. patch.

First, I believe in the cause. I stand by my belief that children are the only innocent things in the world. They deserve more than what they get most times, and they always need to be protected, be it from passing traffic or pedophile fucks.
You have the same action in all those decisions, you do it without question, and without thinking about it, let alone second guessing it. For me, that hasn’t changed. For Robyn either. Kids are the only innocent thing in the world. They need adults to keep them safe. B.A.C.A. had a physical and time test to see if I was worthy of that, and I’m glad I passed it. But at the end of the day, kids see through bullshit. Abused kids have a radar, that sees through even a BACA back patch. They scan you for survival, and they only trust what is going to keep them away from abuse. Sometimes, even that is not enough.

Kids need an influence, abused or not from outside their family. Family is the base, no matter what it is, but an outside influence really sticks if that influence is right.

I left BACA, because …. I am not a joiner. But, I also still need BACA. I just….I wasn’t born to follow. I have a very…. er, extremely low tolerance for bullshit. All Organizations are full of varying degrees of bullshit. I don’t care what organization you’re talking about. I have a problem with rules that are not my own, for better or for worse. It’s my hang up, I get that. I suppose I could talk about that for hours and devote a whole blog to that alone.

I left BACA also for my family. I was drained. I had to shed something. I am more than what I was being. I wasn’t what I once was, and I Liked what I was. I like what I am. I like the brothers I met, and the ones I still call brothers. At the end of the day, I couldnt shake the question: What if I put the same effort into my family as I did this organization? I have 3 beautiful daughters who are counting on me. I don’t know that I’m the guy who can do both. or nothing kind of guy.

All I know so many who are doing it all. I have nothing but admiration for those who I see keeping those balls in the air, and who do it all. I wasn’t that guy. I’m an introspective guy who loves riding, loves his wife and family, loves building and describing things. I know a few of those guys.

Drifter, from Moab – A person with country wisdom, and a helping hand for anyone and recognizes truth when he sees it and holds on, no questions.

Little T from Price – a family man who sees it as it comes, and handles the same.

Slurpee from Tooele. A survivor with an axe to grind, and friendship to those who need his help. A self made man who keeps it all in balance. A natural leader I think. A guy to party with for sure.

Sticks from Maricopa- a man who recognizes friendship but cuts through bullshit with a sharp knife. Pick up a knife with him, and you have a friend for life. He will be there with you, knife in hand. Much love to stick, and his wife dimples. Good people there. Maybe the best I know.

Nails from St George. Been to the puppet show, and seen the strings. Fights in all things, keeping his wife of 30 years in balance and his loyalties sharp. A good friend if you are so lucky to know him. I’m lucky to know them both.

Chef from TN. Steady and true. Casual, but if he sees something not honest or right, he will tell you and make it right, no matter the personal cost.

Cowboy from Yuma. Huge heart. Small town boy working an international process, but knowing whats right. A trouble maker!

Boomer and Beezer: the only cops I’ve ever liked. God knows I tried not to, but got won over. Heart as big as the 2nd biggest county in the nation he is seargant over, and the slow wisdom that comes from discretion and experience. I love you 2. Best 2 people in our chapter.

Little Guy: Enthusiasm and happy to be there, no matter where he is. By your side through thick and thin, because he is who is is. Its WHO he is. Glad you met a woman with your values and is solid bro!

Shots – he will run to a friends help. I know few like you.

There are also some, I’d like to punch in the throat and choke you out. Very few though. One or two. You’re in, because you know the right people, but you’ll avoid the conflict when the conflict counts. BACA is not about the stance, its about the shield. If you can’t be that eventually, you’re exposed. I know eventually, you’ll be. I suspect you’ll screen your calls.

I met the finest of BACA. There are more. Guys who will pick up the phone at 2 am, jump on a cold bike and ride 4 hours because they got the call. Guys who would INSTINCTIVELY jump in front of a bullet to protect a kid, even though they could have a doubt. I rode with many of you. I did level 2’s with some of you.

So why would I leave?

Maybe I’m not that guy. I think I am. I’ve been on level 2s that I was ready to do what was neccesary to protect a kid or two. the kind where you’re not lying to yourself. I still think I’m that guy. Dying in the line of protecting an innocent child is in me. I got to see the puppet show, and I saw the strings. All puppet shows have strings, and I hate strings. Being a supporter in Bikers Against Child Abuse is an honor. I can still ride with these men, pull up to a house, get on one knee, look that kid in the eye and tell them I’ll do whatever it takes and be there for them. I can also not give a shit about the strings. To me, its the best of both worlds. Maybe I am not a commitment guy, on that level. To me, I brushed aside the strings and can still keep the eye to eye, where it counts. We’ll see if that happens.

I am who I am. I know who I am. I like what I see. To those brothers I mention, and more I haven’t met: You are fucking MEN. Nothing but respect and love. NOTHING BUT. You will do what you have to do, colors or not. it’s in you. Time will tell, no matter what I say or do, if thats in me. Give me the chance to prove it, colors or not. You’re either against child abuse or you’re for it. You either ride towards the problem, or you stay home.

At the end of the day, I won’t be tangled in the strings. Fuck that. My life is too short, and I have no patience to explain it if you don’t understand. I just have never wanted it that bad. I don’t need a patch however, to tell you with all my conviction, as a father, as a guy who loves riding: NO CHILD DESERVES TO LIVE IN FEAR.

It wasn’t about the patch. It was about the kids. Straight up.

If you don’t believe me, then fuck off. I honestly don’t care.

I need BACA. I just needed a few other things more. I’m glad its there.